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Published:
March 25, 2026
Honestly, I am kind of impressed that it was for only for four weeks and not four months. In the past if I started to stop doing something, I would just be commit to quitting. But, not now….at least not in this moment of time. Also, I used to shame myself so much in the past when I would get off the wagon, and I truly believe that not shaming myself about the blog has lead me back to writing, even if no one is reading this.
This break brought me to reflecting on times I would cross my own boundaries. When I was younger this used to happen so much with drinking, eating, spending, etc.. Despite my own mental challenges, and mental challenges all of us may face, it seems like falling off the wagon is a pretty ubiquitous problem. I totally relate to saying I am going to do something and fail, only to find myself feeling resentful toward myself. I never want to live in resentment toward myself. Honestly, I know I will fall off again, and that's okay so long as I get back on.
Never has the shame worked. I have shamed and blamed myself, and all it has done is make me feel worse. Nowadays I try to reframe my stance, instead of beat myself up. The only reason I am writing today is because I reminded myself that I felt good when I was writing my blog and that writing was starting to motivate me to explore other ways to express myself. I have to be honest though, my shame is so rude. My shame told me my writing wasn’t good, and no one reads this anyway. Because, I don’t want to live in my shame, I reframed the shame. My reframe said that if I keep writing my blog I am only going to get better (hopefully) and honestly if no one reads it, good because it’s kinda cringe anyway (lol it feels a little dear diary sometimes), buttttttttt, in the off chance that someone is reading it, maybe they feel seen. My job is to understand people and if someone feels understood by my ranting then I did my job.